I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I deserve this hangover.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
