life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
