How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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