don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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