you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
