You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
