There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
