I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
