We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
