he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
