You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
