i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
