I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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