I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
