he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
