I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My balls are so social today.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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