Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
