Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't turn off my feet"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
