Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
