How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
