i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
