made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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