There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
