She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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