Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
