I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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