i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
