i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
