i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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