So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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