Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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