i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
