he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
