I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
