Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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