so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
