you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
