I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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