the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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