I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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