I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
