I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
