This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex on a dog bed..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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