Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
