i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
worst night to have a conscience
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
