Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
