Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
