i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
