I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
