Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
