So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
