Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
