why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My cat gives me a boner
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
